ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
