You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
