When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
