Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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