Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
