It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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