that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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