Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
