Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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