i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
