he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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