Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
