i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
