I didn't shave. On purpose
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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