I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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