if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
