I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
