hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
