I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
