I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
