it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
