does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
