Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he shaved USA in his pubs
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
