he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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