you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
