i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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