before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
