Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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