I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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