I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
