U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
