i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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