i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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