I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
