Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
