Me too!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
