If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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