we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
