Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
