I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
