Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
