My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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