What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
