i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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