I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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