You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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