The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
where does the pee come out of this thing
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
