The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
