so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
