Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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