She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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