It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
