Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
